Crucial Craziness

Save Engliees


Yet another rubbis post

Yes,it has been a very long time since I posted something on this blog that is  read by        4<  x < 6 readers a day (We are Engineers!)

GENUINE REASONS

1)I am working very hard,studying5 hours daily+ 2 extra hours  in bus to revise what I had learnt

2)Learning Advanced JAVA Programming for an hour every day

3)I’ve taken my mother’s advice not to waste time and assured her that I will not blog

4)Terribly busy;no time to eat and sleep-then when to blog?

COUNTERFEIT REASONS

1)I am too lazy to write

2)I sleep during evenings,wake up for dinner and sleep again (sleep hours in class and bus not sufficient)

You know that I always speak the truth.So,I hope you got it.

It has been quite few days since my college started.I don’t remember how many.All I did was that I scribbled nonsense all over my bench making people forget that there was paint over it,once upon a time.

I’m not going to tell about my new  subjects.They won’t interest you.They don’t interest me either.

So,what the hell are you  writing about?,you ask me. I ask the same questions every time I write (prefix ‘try to’ before reading ‘write’).

Okay..now I need to write something…..

Right…. about how English is being brutally poisoned,hung,electrocuted and murdered by some of my lecturers.

I know,you now ask me,”Oh..Are you so good in English to comment about others?”

No,I’m not.And sorry I can’t invite Shakespeare or Milton to comment.They aren’t alive.If at all they are, they’ll anyway die once they hear this English.

Here it goes….

1)A MA’AM CODE WORDED MSD (I’m sorry,Mahendra Singh Dhoni)

1.1)If you haven’t heard of a word ASHOOM in English,please ASHOOM that it exists.

Yes,it does exist.We ASHOOM so many things everyday in class.

DOUBT:If Assume=ASHOOM,Sit down =S_IT DOWN?

1.2)”Why you are absent yesterday?”,Ma’am MSD asked a guy and he stood bewildered,with giggling sounds in background.

Please learn “You are “present tense +”Yesterday”-Past tense makes a very delicious cocktail.

1.3) BUBLIC=public

If you know C/C++/JAVA,then you must aware of a BUBLIC classes

I heard that some Bublisher has Bublished a book written by her.Its available in market.Grab your copies!

1.4)MSD ma’am said that she always learnt extra concepts when she was a student.Here a sample to show what that extra means.

Choose the right form of sentence.

1)You doesn’t

2)I doesn’t

3)We doesn’t

4)All of the above,because lecturers are always right;divine gurus.

Please choose the right answer and  leave it in the comment section.The winner is requested to ASHOOM that he/she is given a book bublished by her as a prize

2)A SIR, CODE WORDED JANAKI (No,he’s not Janaki Raman;It’s his pet name-awarded fondly  for his stylish cat walk and superb tune of speaking. Hope you understand, if not accept)

2.1) Jeero,one,two,three…..

The usage of letter ‘Z’ in the English alphabet is now obsolete.

Zig Zag is now Jig-Jag

Zambia is Jambia (Sweet name,tastes good with bread)

The same applies to Jee News,Jodiac signs.If you don’t understand, Joom in and read.

2.2)Heard of Alpa?Its not some Tamil dude asking Alp ah?

Know Alpha,Beta,Gamma?Yes..the greek ‘ALPA’abets.(There’s no ‘Pha’-फ in Tamil-So he won’t use it even in English,I guess)

I thank god that I haven’t been made to hear him say Appy Fizz.That would have sounded very vulgar.

2.3)11=ELEVAN.

I didn’t know!Elevan does exist.Learn here.

PS1:Names not mentioned intentionally to prevent me from being chucked out of college.

I do have respect for them.They are knowledgeable;but no harm in little fun.We don’t need stylish English with American accent.But, at least  proper English…..Please….Please….

PS2:I wrote PS1 because that would save me if at all any of my lecturers get to see it accidentally.

(Probability=6.023 x  10^ -23)

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Intrivyoov


The writer assumes that you have some basic knowledge about Anna University colleges, its excellent quality of technical education, its  knowledgeable students and the university’s modus operandi for minting money Revaluation.

If you don’t,you’ll  get to know it as you read.

Intrivyoov

Prologue

It wasn’t just another ordinary day for Mr.Padips[Mr.Nerd].He was always called that way and none ever remembered his name.

Coconut-breakings, archanai-doings and traditional feet-fallings made his morning. It was a D-day for him. Having completed his Computer Science Engineering ,he was appearing for his first job interview .

He was dressed in an impeccable white shirt and black formal trousers that people mistook him to be a Saravana Bhavan waiter.

Padips:“May I come in Saar?”

Interviewer:“Yes,please come in.Take your seat”.

P:“Saar !!”

I:“Please sit”

I:[going through his resume]“Oh that’s really great Mr.Padips.You are the college topper with a CGPA of 9.5456.So,you must be having very good technical skills. We are looking forward to such people who have in-depth knowledge.”

P:”Thank you Saar”

I:”So,let me not waste your time and my time discussing about your technical concepts.Your marks speak for you.Ok Padips,tell me about you.”

P:”Good Morning.I yam Y.A.K Padips.I yave completed my….”

I:”But…But…But,it’s afternoon now!”

I:”Sorry Saar.I will start again.”Good Afternoon.I yam Y.A.K Padips. I yave compleeted my B.E Computer Science and Enjinearing in Dubaqoor Enjinearing Kaalidge.I yam  21 years old.I yam coming from New number 12,Old Number 9,Mundakanniamman Kovil street,KannammaPettai Main Road,Chennai six zero zero zero one seven.I yam a very disciplined and I yam ya very good student.I yam ya…”

P:”That’s enough…that’s enough about you.I’m sorry to say your communication skills aren’t up to the mark.You need to improve your English”

I:”Saar…what word you said?I yave got S grade in English in kaalidge.If you want you see my mark sheet saar”.

P:”That’s different Mr.Padips.But anyway,with some training and a little effort from your side,you can improve it.Since this job would require you to explain some concepts to people who aren’t well proficient in Computer Science,I want to check if you have that kind of skill. If I were a layman and I ask you what a program is, how will you explain it to me?

P: “Lehman na what saar? Rahman brother ah?”

I:”No.Someone who is not a professional.”

P:”Saar,I want paper and pen”

I gives it to P

P:”Saar,you are Hindu,Muslim or Christian?”

I:”I am an Indian!Why do you ask that now?”

P:”Simply Sir”

The interviewer gets an important call from his boss and needs to go

I:”Mr.Padips,I’m sorry.There’s a call for me.I’ll be back in a few minutes. You shall prepare you answer. Excuse me”

P:”Come in Saar”

I:”What?”

P:”After Excuse me,Come in only no saar”

I:”My god!You are a funny guy!Ok..It’s urgent.I need to go.”

P:”Urgent means you go saar….otherwise it will become bad. I understand saar”

The interviewer leaves the room without understanding the highly intellectual and witty joke that Mr.Padips cracked.He returns after 3 minutes.

P:”Saar….I’m waiting for you only saar”

I:”That’s great.Are you ready with your answer?”

P:”Saar,first you give one extra sheet saar.This paper not enough.”

Masterpiece

The interviewer sees this paper on the table and almost faints.

But he sees “Indian Alone Saves” that Padips had written unknowingly and chuckles to himself.Its anyway true.

I:”See Mr.Padips,I didn’t want you to write such long answers.I  think you understood what I asked you.”

P: ”Saar….my heart is paining Saar….See I wrote pucca answer with underline.Balagurusamy book is rightu,I am not right aah?What saar?Same thing only I wrote.My ma’am will give 15/16 for this Saar”

I:”You don’t seem to understand.So,forget it.Do you know about ASCII codes?

P:ASS Key…..ASS….Key.”Saar you are very bad saar.You are telling verry bad bad words.

I:[totally bewildered]What are you saying?Can you expand ASCII atleast?

P:”Saar….”

I:Exxppaaaannnd!!!!

P:Ok Sarr…Ok saar…AAAASSSSSKKKKEEEEEYYYYYY….

I:”Great!.You may slap me if I ask you another technical question.”

P:”Ok,right saar”

I:”A logical problem.Imagine three girls,A ,B  and C…”

P:”Ayyo!no…its very bad saar”

I:”But,I never finished my question”

P:”Saar you told to imagine saar…my college chairman said that thinking about girls is also bad saar”

I:”What the hell!I want no more nonsense!”

P: “A says I’m not a girl.B is a boy

B says A is a liar.I am a boy

C says A and B are liars.I am a boy

One of statement the two statements of each of them is true and other,definitely false.

Now,can you logically find who the liar is?”

I:”You sir!”

P:”Have you gone mad?”

I:”How it is possible saar?How girl talk to boy and boy talk to girl saar?”

I:”Please Mr.Padips…I’m already infuriated!”

P:”What saar…you are in big position.You don’t know simple matter also.Girl-Girl talk,Boy-Boy talk,but Girl-Boy no talk.Hahaha…you don’t know this also va?”

I:[now 74.3545% mad]”What about your extra-curricular activities?”

P:”What saar?”

I:”EXTRA CURRICULAR”!

P:[to himself…extra…curri…coolar…exrtra..curri..coolar]

Yes sir!Curry is very good for health.So,I will ask extra and eat.But water from Cooler is very bad for health.So I don’t eat water from cooler.

I:Mr.Padips!I’m extremely satisfied with your answers. You may leave now.

P:”Me pass no saar?”

I:”We’ll intimate you about it.”

P:Ok saar…Thank you saar…Bye saar

Epilogue

I heard that the interviewer is now undergoing intensive treatment in Kilpauk Mental Hospital. Benevolent philanthropists who feel pity for that guy may send a cheque to his sponsor “S.A.Dhivhya”.Send me a mail and I shall send my address.

And what happened to Padips??

I overheard this conversion between him and his friend Padips2

P2:”Dei Machan!Ennada intrivyoov enna aachu?Select aagiduva illa?

[Hey dude!What happened to your interview?Will you get selected?]

P:”Athellam aagiduvaen da.Aana antha aalu waste da!

[I will clear the interview man..But the interviewer was a waste fellow!]

P2:Why da?

P:”Namma Saar enna da sonnaaru?Ulla pona udane intrivyoov panravanga “Please sit” nu thane solvaaru nu sonnaru.Andha loosu “Please take your seat” nu etho olariduchu da”

[Our Saar has said that the interviewer will say “Please sit” as we enter.But that mad fellow blabbered “Please take your seat”]

P2:”Aama Machan….vara vara kaalam rombha kettu pochu da.Apdi select aagalaina enna pannuva da?”

[Yes dude!The present scenario is really bad.What’ll you do if you don’t get selected?]

P:Adhu thaan irruke da re-valuation!Thuddu kattina pass panni vida poraanga!

[There’s revaluation man!If I pay money,they’re going to make me pass!]

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My college Rocks!


Being an Engineering Student, the most obvious question people ask me is the name of my college. Though mine is among one of the good institutions in Chennai, my answer leaves people totally bewildered that I need to explain its roots and location.I’ve now got used to their weird expressions. Some say,”Oh yeah….that one!”, though I can very well understand they haven’t recognized. Poor people, I don’t embarrass them.

Okay,mine is RMD Engineering College (I know you won’t know it anyway) located at one of the dusty unpopulated area near Gummidipoondi (If you don’t know this on either,take Chennai).Its was extremely wise on my college chairman’s part to set up a college in this gem of the greatest places ever. You’ll hardly find buildings except our group of colleges and schools. No restaurants,No malls,No Movie theatres.All that you can see is the road…see a little beyond that, road again and beyomd…only road! It’s the Chennai-Kolkata National highway,I suppose.

I remember an incident now.One of my friends took great pains explaining about my college.

“Endha College ma?”
[Which College?]
RMD,Aunty.

“Hmm….Adhu Enga irukku?”
[Hmmm…Where’s it located?]
-Weird expression-

“Kavaraipettai…Gummidipoondi,Aunty”
-Weird expression again

“Do you know RMK Group,Aunty?”
“Oh…..adhu va maa?Nalla theriyume !
[Oh..that one.I know it well]

My friend was a little relieved that she needn’t explain more
“Sarees ellam romba nalla irukkum.Readymades kooda nalla collection irukku”
[There’s a good collection of Sarees and Readymade dresses.]
Weird expression,now on my friends face

“RMKV oda college thane ma”(RMKV is a popular textile shop that related to my college as to how Sanyasa is related to the great Swamiji,Sri Nithyananda)

My friend became totally hopeless that she agreed to put a full stop to the confusion.

I shouldn’t miss,there’s an exotic place to hang out with friends!Its hotel Nithya Kalyana Bhavan.What an enthralling name for a hotel! Bread,Bun,Tea,Chocolates with some 2+ varieties of food make up its interesting and mouth watering menu.


Some quick points:
You know you are in RMD when :
1.You don’t know and will never know why and what you are doing most things
and often think about life,destiny and fate

2.Find all unwanted books neatly stacked up in the library

3.Become an expert in writing letters-leave letter ,permission letter ,letter requesting an OD,for lost ID card, for a bonafide certificate,for gate passes etc etc etc (but mind it,never a love letter )

4.Sitting in AC and Chatting are the only two reasons why you enter labs

5.Spend all your pocket money taking photocopies you actually don’t need, because you never study

6.Don’t use even 25% of your brain

7.Find lecturers who don’t know what they are doing themselves.Easy topics become tough and tough topics become self study/seminars!!

8.Doubt if you actually know English(our lecturers…wow..wow… Shakespeares!!)

9.Write test /unit /revision /model /re model 1 /remodel 2/re re re…..with nothing in brain…yet fill up pages and pages and pages (additional sheets extra)

10.You are on your way to get placed in Kilpauk Mental Hospital


11.FIND PEOPLE TOTALLY JOBLESS THAT THEY WRITE UNWANTED NONSENSE Eg: THE ONE YOU JUST READ ABOVE!


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